Perfect is not all it is cracked up to be

I want to share this story. I don’t know who wrote it, but it is amazingly true.  And I thank @addictivedau for sharing. Life is about living and learning and loving yourself just the way you are. And removing the negative. Reminds me of the saying in the movie  Tin Cup… perfection is unattainable .  Well said.

Push the button. Best button I ever pushed. I found myself again.

12 People With Eating Disorders Share The Skeletons In Their Closet

This is painful to read and see. If I won the lotto my dream would be to rescue and teach the process even if I have no certificate. Just experience and heard the magical words that healed me.  It’s weird that the lovely lady who posted this original calls herself Fat Ballerina. Brings me back to my past.  I always wanted to be a ballerina.  I loved ballet.  As a child I wanted to be a performer of some sort.  Acting, dancing, ballet, were what I loved.  I wasn’t  “ham”. I just loved the performance.  Maybe because my father was an Opera singer that went into Operetta’s in our upbringing and I loved watching him on stage as a child and fascinated by the props my mom created.  But when it came to wanting to dance as a ballet dancer I was told I was too big and too tall.  At 21 I went for modelling, figuring there may be something there in walking down the runway with a swagger, kind of like a dance.  But at 118 lbs and 5’9″ I was too fat.  Too fat.  Again.  LOL Oh my Lord where did this silly world go to.  I am loving this new lady with hips and extra cellulite loving her body.  Sorry her name escapes me right now, but she is beautiful and bold.

For 52 years old, I am fit, and “slim” and still dance, no matter what.  I dance alone or with whoever will dance with me if I go out which I don’t often.  So ballerina or not.  Performer or not. In my tiny house, I can be whoever I want.  Jazz ballet dancer, ballroom dancer, ballerina even.  And I dance like no one is watching.  But I also dance when I do get out like no one is watching and I am all that I dreamt of being and now retired and just dance for the love of it.  If that makes any sense.

I don’t want to be skinny anymore like I did when I was in m 20’s just because they told you you had to be.  I don’t want to be perfect anymore like it was suppose to be the way you were suppose to be.  I don’t want to impress anyone but myself now with what I choose to impress myself with!! It’s my time.  But it should have been from the start.  And it should be for all young women and men from the start.  Impress yourself.  No one else can impress you like you can impress yourself.  And you can’t do it for anyone else.

Fun tips.  They have crazy online surveys to take.  Weird enough they are scary close.  Here are two of mine.

“You are living your own life and getting things done. You are not easily intimidated – and you have a commanding, awe-inspiring presence. You hold high standards for yourself and you often surprise yourself with your own strength.”

and,

“Your personality type is caring, peaceful, artistic, and calm. Only about 7% of all people have your personality, including 8% of all women and 6% of all men You are Sensing, Feeling, and Perceiving.”

The calm part is pretty real unless I am tired or stressed.

There is a balance in everything in life.  It’s the balance we need to find.  When we find it we truly find peace.  But food?  No.  Weight? No. Not in the magazine style.  In the true life style.  Yes.

Fat Ballerina

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Words To Live By

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When you look in the mirror and smile at yourself knowing full well you are your own best friend for life, your life changes. Suddenly you can see all the love and support around you and it seems like you become a magnet to great love. In the most wonderful way!

Believing And Lies

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This has happened to me more than once. Unfortunately more than once with the two men I loved the most. Single now for 6 years and finally found peace and a piece of me that was missing. The one that searched elsewhere for the emptiness, but finally figured out it was always right here, with me, in me… Me. And with that I found love for those who really matter. By loving me I learned how to accept to be loved by my treasured ones around me. Parents, children, trusting friends, and me. And in this I found new friends. I will never let a relationship define me ever again. I have learned that I define the relationship. And choose wisely. :). Because I’m worth it!

The Beginning

There was a time I felt that counselling could do me no right.  Although Suzanne Tarbutt was my first one for my eating disorder, and was a beautiful lady, there still was always something missing.  Could it be that it was because the counselling was ABOUT my disorder…. not about me.  Now there is a thought.  Strange to think that this came to me some 27 years later.  My present counsellor has been teaching me a lot.  And strange to say, she earned my trust because she started with me.  What was wrong?  Why was I suffering of severe anxiety?  What brought me to that place?

First meeting… about me.  I was confused about this concept.  Not about anything else but me.  Strangest thing to think about when most of your life you thought about them.  Not me.  Them.  The ones you wanted to prove you wouldn’t let down, be someone that they would be proud of, that you wouldn’t hurt, that would prove through all the volunteering that you cared, to try to prove, prove, prove to others instead of proving to myself. 

I lost me.  I lost the love for me.  This was the first thing that amazed me.  This beautiful person in front of me, that knew no one in my life or anything about what had happened to me just wanted to listen.  What a gift.  Her kind green eyes watched as I sat there not knowing why I was there, or what I was looking for being there.  Guess somewhere deep inside of me it was me I was looking for.  But I didn’t know that then.

She started with a family tree.  The relationship between all of us.  My parents and four sisters together.  That alone took three sessions.  I won’t go into it, but it was before a very important trip my parents had planned for maybe us being together as just the six of us for the last time.  She understood that my need to deal with the different dynamics were important.  If you read my history you will understand.  Anyway, that was the beginning.