6 Years and 28 Days

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So I did it.  I made it through my 28 days to raise money for cancer without a drop of alcohol.  It wasn’t that hard.  In fact, I am quite happy to say that today, March 5th, I am still not drinking, and really don’t see a purpose in doing so.

Last night was my first “social” outing since my “dry” month and everyone was, as to be expected, drinking.  I didn’t and really didn’t feel left out what so ever.  We went axe throwing, which was quite therapeutic after a difficult day with some trying customers.

I am now trying to figure out another “month” of abstinence for something else.  I am considering television.  I would say my cellphone, but it is  my only mode of communication and a tool for work as well.  So I am going to try the abstinence of the TV for a month.

What I learned during my dry month was that it was incredibly freeing.  Small things you wouldn’t usually consider would come to mind.  Like the evening I thought of going to buy shower curtains to cover my couch so that my cats don’t mess on it and ruin it.  It was 7 p.m.  On a normal night, I would have had my glass of wine with dinner, and my following “relaxation” glass.  So there was no driving.  This particular night I sat and thought “I’ll pick that up tomorrow”, followed by a tiny voice saying “you can do that now!!”  And I realized that what once imprisoned me in  my own home for going drivable distances was removed and I was free to go anywhere at any time.

Small things.

My desire to go out “for a drink and snack” were completely curbed.  I saved on dining out, but spent more on groceries, because I am enjoying cooking again and eating healthy.  My budget for the wine, however, hasn’t changed much, as I am enjoying my non-alcoholic wine, and that is not cheap.  Strange though.  If they are so encouraging sobriety, you would think they would sell these beverages at a reasonable price.  Having said that, my MADD wine is also a donation towards the (Mad) Mothers Against Drunk Drivers.

My energy level is so much higher, I can’t even sleep in in the morning.  I have to be up and about doing things I enjoy, and I even got a gym membership and have being going, although not on a set schedule, a very regular basis.  When not there, I do a small work out from home, just because I am enjoying it.

Work seems to be much more enjoyable as well.  I have always liked my job, as it is active and it is about helping people, but lately I am liking it even more.  Some of that excitement also comes from books I have been reading that are opening up my eyes to a new way of thinking.

Life is exciting me more these days.  Maybe it’s time to pull out my paint set again.  I have already been playing around with new sketches of my cartoon character, who has laid dormant for a few years.

Here is to new beginnings, thanks to my niece who asked me to join in on the fundraiser.  Who knew it would have this impact on me?

Just a note:  The campaign is going on until the end of March in donation collections.  If  anyone would like to donate to this cause, you can do so by clicking on this link.  I was amazed to find out that just over 2000 people participated and they raised $120,000.  I am at $25 (my own donation) at this time.  I am okay with that too.  It was worth every penny. 🙂  DryFeb Cancer Fundraising Donations Link

I Miss You

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My nephew passed away five years ago on June 16th. Cancer. He so wanted to live to see his two sons grow up. Unfortunately fate did not allow this to happen. What little we understand of death until it faces us eye to eye. Eating disorders are a choice towards destruction. Cancer is not a choice. My sweet nephew thank you for opening up my eyes to how fortunate I have been. Life is so unfair. But I want you to know I’m taking care of myself best I can and better everyday, with my first big step being two and a half years free of bulimia. I had the choice to let it go. You didn’t. I miss you.

Hampy’s Thanks To Those Who Inspired Him

Puzzles make for a beautiful picture.  I’m sure you will, those who follow me, figure this all out, in the end.  I live on the internet in several different suits.  I wear different clothes, different appearances, but I am all one.  I am many, and help many with my life experiences and know how to share those to make then someone.  They are the ones I care for, and I know how to take care of them, how to secure you from the wrong, the bad, how to protect you.  I am who I am because I care for me first, and so doing know how to care for you.  And this makes me “Hampy”  Happy with my physical and mental and emotional disabilities that I have learned to love and to learn to love all those I love who have them too.  I am Hampy.  And even if I’m not, he’s my best friend and a bit and and big part of me.  Some may never understand this, but Hampy/Bullimiaddict/Singleez/OMGMMOG/Chucky1025/urwhaturwrite/ amongst others, they are all me.  All a part of me.  Like my beautiful nephew.  Jonathan Ross Campbell.  Always in my heart and soul.

SEA’s The Day… Carpe Diem… The Enterprise Centre Oakville, 1999… Memories

Wow.  I’m living in a humble little apartment with what is left from a lesson I was teaching to others.  But in all this I love this lesson.  Carpe Diem.  I started to go to church again when I was 33.  Bruxy taught me that music was beautiful even if it was Christian.  I laughed because he said some people don’t even know the music IS Christian.  Well, I fell in love with 4HIM and Jars of Clay… but most so, this one that I am going to post below.  Canadian.. YEAH… but weirder yet during that year that this song played on my CD player I became ED of a small not for profit that helped people start their own businesses (government funded)…  All groups had to have a SEA related name.  First group that came in in 1999 (2000 grads) chose this… SEAs The Day…. I was floored and they played this song at their grad.

But there was  more to this.  I was an independent … hummm not accountant, albeit had all the abilities but the the credentials… I was suppose to be a journalist but I am good with number… oh… I digress.. so yes.  I was asked to do bookkeeping.  For three years I did until a call.  A call from the wife of my client who adored her but was my best friend.  She said “not good”.  Leukemia.  This man was not just a client he was a friend.  His name was Roger.  He showed up to my baptism… first one Bruxy did, the man who taught me about the beauty of Christian music… and how do I write this with giving honour to Roger?  Too many things to be said but in summary:

  • Roger loved me no matter what
  • Roger had a zest for life
  • Roger told me about The Enterprise Centre
  • Roger showed up believing in my baptism whilst my husband thought I was some religious freak… so not true
  • Roger was weak but showed up… he was in his last days…
  • Roger died a week later… but had said I was an inspiration

and to this I can only say… he first loss… and maybe a test to what would become another loss… Roger was 53… my nephew 23.

The two were two of the most beautiful people I have ever known.  But more so.  Roger warned me about my ex husband in kindness.  When I spoke about my worries he told the truth.  He told me he didn’t love me anymore from what I told him.  He was right.

In memory of Roger, when I was at The Enterprise Centre, I named a room after him and had a plaque, which I can’t find anymore from my moves… but… the room was called the Kent Room.  Roger was the first death of TEC.  And mine too.  He believed in me… and me him.  And to this day… (he died in 1997)  I still miss him so much as I do my nephew (died 2008)… both of cancer.  And both too young.

 

And to this an ode to my first group that came into the place that Roger was one of the ones that were the first to be a SEA.

 

 

 

L