Today who I am and Happy

​Done most but go to bed early is a challenge because I want to be awake for every moment I can but getting there.  Be fierce … working on that. Feel it but kindness outweighs being fierce at often times… things that challenge you.. do that every day but there is one more I have to do for me. Other than that all other lessons have been completed. Particularly clutter. Went from 2400 Sq ft home and huge basement and garage to 400 Sq feet. Pretty awesome and freeing. 🤗🤗🤗 oh and I also unfriended people in my life that have been negative and toxic in person. That too is even more freeing than social media. 🤗🤗🤗🤗😆😆😆

Pink Is Awesome

Pink stands up for being beautiful.

Her songs inspire me.  She has the wisdom of beauty.  There should be no judging on her…. for her songs are all about not judging.  That she should she should even have to speak up against the public who cannot see her beauty in all that she wears and all that she is and all that she represents is sad.  I am proud she did, but it should not have been required.  Pink … Pink as she is reflects the world of pink.  Pink represents support.  She stood up and did that.  Pink doesn’t just stand up for being beautiful, she stands up for everything that is beautiful, and everything we have to fight against.  And what I love is her “pink” is also a symbol of the fight against cancer.  I believe she should be our advocate, and then even more so, the one that goes up and becomes President of the United States.  Would love to see Pink as the first female President.  She would be the most impressive, real, believable President of all.  And if I were a U.S. citizen? I would vote for her!!! Brilliant woman.

And to AlessiaFran, I hope you don’t mind I posted this beautiful rendition of Pink.  I just found it to be the most powerful of the message I was trying to convey.  Beautiful work!! And would be a GREAT poster for Pink when she goes up against Hillary for Presidency. 🙂

Beautiful and Perfect!!!

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I’ve Got Everything I Need And Nothing That I Don’t

It wasn’t like this in my life always… but in this song now it is.  Although I don’t have a good looking man around me, I do have everything I need and nothing that I don’t… wait … maybe still some things I don’t need.. but those are things I will in time dispose of.  But I shedded from more square footage than most would dream… 7,000 sq. ft  to 450 square feet… with every thing I need and nothing I don’t.  Home grown. Home. Releasing is everything.  Letting go.  And finding.. who you are.  This after releasing takes time.  Healing takes time.  But being able to talk now to my parents about my experience about bulimia now openly is so freeing.  So… there are two songs here that I want to share.  Enjoy!! Dance and sing and know… less is best.. and believe in yourself. I am homegrown and love my parents for that!  Easy?  No… worth it?  YES!!

I’ve Got Everything I Need And Nothing That I Don’t

Feel so good song!!!

Chicken Fried

ENJOY… to simple life and loving getting older and learning how to feel younger.  To young ones out there.. hope you learn to be opposite to me!  But regardless there are no regrets.  My precious lesson was to realize?  I can be as young as I want and as beautiful as long as it starts in humour, love for me and great surroundings… POSITIVE!! 🙂  And most of all thank God for all His support and answers to my prayers. 🙂

Sometimes I Wish I Was This

A combination of all beauty.   Butterfly, Unicorn, and colours… and yet, I am this. Grounded by the reality that I do not fly and don’t have a beautiful stance or corn like that of the Unicorn, or the wings of a butterfly.  But I can always believe!! 🙂 As simple as I am. I can make it happen to believe. 🙂  Because a rainbow always brings a smile… and this picture sure made me believe all the more. 🙂  Heck with a simple butterfly!! spruced up!! 🙂  Kind of reminds me of what I feel like now that I let go of my bulimia. 🙂

Unicorn

12 People With Eating Disorders Share The Skeletons In Their Closet

This is painful to read and see. If I won the lotto my dream would be to rescue and teach the process even if I have no certificate. Just experience and heard the magical words that healed me.  It’s weird that the lovely lady who posted this original calls herself Fat Ballerina. Brings me back to my past.  I always wanted to be a ballerina.  I loved ballet.  As a child I wanted to be a performer of some sort.  Acting, dancing, ballet, were what I loved.  I wasn’t  “ham”. I just loved the performance.  Maybe because my father was an Opera singer that went into Operetta’s in our upbringing and I loved watching him on stage as a child and fascinated by the props my mom created.  But when it came to wanting to dance as a ballet dancer I was told I was too big and too tall.  At 21 I went for modelling, figuring there may be something there in walking down the runway with a swagger, kind of like a dance.  But at 118 lbs and 5’9″ I was too fat.  Too fat.  Again.  LOL Oh my Lord where did this silly world go to.  I am loving this new lady with hips and extra cellulite loving her body.  Sorry her name escapes me right now, but she is beautiful and bold.

For 52 years old, I am fit, and “slim” and still dance, no matter what.  I dance alone or with whoever will dance with me if I go out which I don’t often.  So ballerina or not.  Performer or not. In my tiny house, I can be whoever I want.  Jazz ballet dancer, ballroom dancer, ballerina even.  And I dance like no one is watching.  But I also dance when I do get out like no one is watching and I am all that I dreamt of being and now retired and just dance for the love of it.  If that makes any sense.

I don’t want to be skinny anymore like I did when I was in m 20’s just because they told you you had to be.  I don’t want to be perfect anymore like it was suppose to be the way you were suppose to be.  I don’t want to impress anyone but myself now with what I choose to impress myself with!! It’s my time.  But it should have been from the start.  And it should be for all young women and men from the start.  Impress yourself.  No one else can impress you like you can impress yourself.  And you can’t do it for anyone else.

Fun tips.  They have crazy online surveys to take.  Weird enough they are scary close.  Here are two of mine.

“You are living your own life and getting things done. You are not easily intimidated – and you have a commanding, awe-inspiring presence. You hold high standards for yourself and you often surprise yourself with your own strength.”

and,

“Your personality type is caring, peaceful, artistic, and calm. Only about 7% of all people have your personality, including 8% of all women and 6% of all men You are Sensing, Feeling, and Perceiving.”

The calm part is pretty real unless I am tired or stressed.

There is a balance in everything in life.  It’s the balance we need to find.  When we find it we truly find peace.  But food?  No.  Weight? No. Not in the magazine style.  In the true life style.  Yes.

Fat Ballerina

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Appreciation

I work in customer service and I have to say those with challenges are my most wonderful customers.  I love to relate, to interact and to show them that they are just like me and I am there to serve them as best I can.  I don’t feel sorry for them, I feel sorry for me for not having the ability to sometimes to communicate at the level I would love to to connect in a more “living room” feeling.  Today I had a call from a customer through a relay who is hearing impaired.  I can somewhat relate, but not at all at his level.  I am hearing impaired in my right ear and I annoy my children and people around me by having to ask them to repeat what they have said and turn my left ear to them.  I hate to say it, but if I was completely hearing impaired they may be a bit more patient with me.  Knowing this, I reach out.  The call came in because there was a fault in one of the jobs we did and I needed to find a way to help him.  Tomorrow I am waking early to make a call on his behalf.  I want to do that.  I have been told I am too nice, go too far at work beyond the call of duty, but I like doing that.  And this particular customer, who has been patient, I am looking forward to helping him.  I must admit I was happy when he sent me he phone number to text to.  It was so much easier to communicate.  He and I both type faster than we write and this method is faster than the phone relay.  I was excited that for once texting truly had a meaning.  A true meaning.  My children can hear, and me too still at this point, but they text me.  They don’t call to hear my voice.  To hear.  Hear.  It opens eyes, which that too, is something.  My sight is failing slowly, but failing.  I put on only mascara because that is the best of the blurr I can do.  I might look like a clown if I tried anything more.

But even with my failing sight and failing hearing, I have so much of it versus so many out there.  I am completely functional in both, but with the minor challenges I have I fully appreciate their position.  And so I am too kind and go above the call of duty.  I will do so for those even challenged with emotional stress, and any kind of challenge life has brought to us.

I personally am in greater appreciation if I help that person who is OCD deal with the issues, or someone with hearing impairments, those even with sight issues (always keep customer reading glasses at my desk), if I can put a smile one someone going through depression, all this makes my day.  I am pushed for making quotas, but for me.. what pushes me are these things.  They are what matter most.  And I keep hearing a voice I believe from up above… in regards to the quotas… when sometimes I wonder if my pay will pay my bills… “the faith of a mustard seed”.  And the voice goes on to say “Never lose faith… believe”.  So I will.

By the way, I am now 4 years healed and still not a desire at all of going back.  Not ONE!!  It’s fabulous.  February 11th marked my 4th anniversary.

Thank you to my readers.  And followers.  Keeps strong, keep believing and don’t let anyone change you for the you you  know you are inside.  Be that one that you love from the time you were little….. I know I am loving my person as a child and bringing her back. 🙂

Fly

Dear Serendipity.  My friend thought it best to call my book Fly Away On My  Dying Day. I always loved kites.  My father used to use the term “go fly a kite” when he didn’t want me around. Wish I had a kite fo fly because I really love  kites. So I want some of my ashes in a kite and have the ones who love me be there when I fly away on my dying day. No wait. On my living the next chapter of my life day  😉 fly fly away. 😉

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