Me?

January 2019 – Update.

I don’t want to delete what I wrote below.  I think it is really telling of the place I was at the time I posted this on a PAGE, and not a post.  Posts get lost, but a page remains stagnant sometimes.  I don’t want this to be that here.

Since I was 49 and posting, after having lost my business, and having tried to go through a lot of ups and downs through a divorce, and family betrayals and such, more than you need to know on this page, but can probably find it in one of my some 400 odd postings…

Today… today is today.

I am now 56.  I have healed a lot.  I have learned a lot from the past, which I have not regrets anymore over.  Lost?  Yes.  Gained?  So much.  I have more wisdom now in the are of building my life and my new businesses because of the lessons learned.  What I wrote below was real then.  It isn’t anymore.  The soiled has become a beautiful flower that grew in that soil…. 😉  And the strength in believing that no matter how old you are their is the ability to make it… emotionally and financially.  Wow… I can’t think of a third one.  Please tell me if there is one more?  I understand… there is also health.  But I believe that health comes with a financial and emotional balance, because it makes you want to get out and run and see the world and love and jump up and say!!! YEAH!

Truth is, I find it hard to exercise if my mind is emotionally depleted, and my finances are looking gloomy.  And you can tell me if I get up and do 200 sit ups first thing in the morning and 20 minutes on my elliptical when I am feeling this way, I will tell you you are nuts… however.  It just might be true that that is where it starts?

Ha gotcha!… yes.. that may well be where it starts… building focus.  Because when you are moving you are thinking.

Hugs to all of you who have clicked here, liked me, checked out my blogs.

2019 is definitely a new year, because by the time I get to 2020… I don’t want to be saying it’s hindsight anymore. 🙂

PAST AND TO BE LEFT HERE ONLY FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF MOVING FORWARD.

What about me?  I’m forty nine and still lost sometimes in the wave of creativity, emotions versus the objective and annoyance of life in general.  I look in the mirror one day and see this beautiful happy woman, and the next one that has been soiled by the truths of life and the lack of trust that anything can really be “real” that has happened.

There is a day I wake up like a child smiling and laughing and loving life, and another I wake up wondering why there is so much pain, betrayal, anger and frustration that was not taught to me as a child…. that I didn’t have a lesson of how to deal with.

I could deal with the beauty, the wonders of a bumble bee’s flight, a hummingbird, a flower growing, a beautiful little gift made by hand and given, the smell of a fire, rainbows, cooking marshmallows, the beautiful stars above, the wonder and beauty….

… and then I wake up the next moment to find rain, hurt, evil, loss… again lessons no one helped me to deal with…

… so fo 30 years I threw those bad things up… but then I lost sight of all the great stuff…. the child like stuff.

If only I could have remained innocent…

Me today?

… still looking for my best friend… me, and maybe someone who knows what I’m talking about who will spend life understanding each other and do our best to keep life’s soils out.  I’d take soil on a floor over soil in my being…. anyday.  One is easily swept up or mopped away, the other is not so simple.

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