tom tomjones3453@gmai.com 70.49.100.169 you will commit suicide end of 2016

Nice!! This was one of the messages I got on my site.  Well, Mr. Tom Jones, having quit bulimia, I think I am showing signs of actually not going that way.  I don’t know who you are, and really maybe care because if you are sending out messages like this, it may well be that you are having issues yourself.

I will say, I was walking my dogs, after feeding my cats and hugging them, and learning about my new friend, a Betta fish that my daughter left with me with, which I took with love and happiness to learn more about, when I was thinking about this incredibly sad message you sent me.

Now, there is something not so sad, is that I have your IP address and I have a background in PI work so I have connections to find you to find out if you are actually the one that has suicidal tendencies.

I don’t take this kind of message lightly by the way.  I don’t find this funny.. I don’t even find it offensive, I find it scary that a person would write this on a post of someone who is writing about recovery.  I would worry more about you than me.

 

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Feeling Comfortable In My Own Skin

I can’t believe it’s been since January that I last blogged.  I since passed my 5 year clean on February 11th and didn’t even blog to celebrate!! I feel like I have come a long way.  I know they say that once a bulimic, always a bulimic, but this is not true.  I have not desire whatsoever to return to that life and am sorry some days for the young me to have endured such a journey.  But in the end it makes me today all the more grateful for my freedom.  And freedom not only from my eating disorder but from so many things in general.  I have a tiny apartment on a beautiful pond, so my possessions are few which is freeing.  I am loving my job which is active and the people there are non-judgmental and wonderful.

I have to say I am even more pleased that I know without a doubt I am recovered.  In May a best friend of mine passed on.  We were together every day for the past year and it was so surreal to not get his texts or his phone calls anymore or to look across the street at his condo and no lights to be seen.  It was an empty place.  At the same time my father that a mild stroke.  July came and dad had another stroke.  This time it was severe.  I am thankful that he is home now and mobile, but his speech is giving him a hard time.  He is completely aware and his memory is perfect, but he can’t find words to express himself.  If anyone knows my dad, that has to be one of the most difficult things for him.  I am so grateful dad is still with us and working hard to pull through this.

So life is good in the present!!

Are We Returning to Rubenesque

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Peter Paul Rubens… what a wonder.  Love his women in Rubenesque style and painted them so wonderfully.  Believe it or not I am an Art History Major and when I was going through my Media Folly of Skinny Be Me in those magazines, I was also studying Paul’s art.  Not only his, but Paul Peel, who painted the most wonderful painting of a woman I was fascinated with and did my theory on. I was fascinated because these artists loved their women as they were.  Not magazine skinny, but beautiful and full and gorgeous.

A few samples before I go to sleep.  Tired but love to share before I go to bed when I am feeling the happiness of being who I am. 🙂

Losing Love Happily

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I don’t know where to begin. All the things that I hate came out tonight by some evil devil who brought up my past pains of the previous relationships I had. The one who is jealous but claims to be protective and one of two only men I loved. Strangely enough both controlling but in same/different ways….

I’ve had enough. Seriously enough to last a lifetime. At one point here I wrote “ate” instead of hate and had to edit. Hummm…. the two somewhat related? I’m clean of bulimia but interestingly learning more about my Freudian slips. Ate hate. Ate lots of anger, ate lots of emotion. Now I just yell them out. 🙂 Not pretty but beats the bulimia 😉 here is to taking control. I, now with normal people unlike my ex, SPEAK it out and owning my life. Followers? I heard and listened. Control people around you need to know you will not be controlled and that is a choice! Freedom. A choice.

Severe anxiety sucks until you learn the biggest lesson. Don’t let the Goliath beat David. I think I am finally figuring this lesson and all the calmer in knowing the ending.

Don’t let people bully you, and if they start just put your fingers in your ears and humm your favorite thoughts or song. They will think you are crazy enough to leave you alone. 😉

Time Speaks Volumes

Still clean but sometimes don’t know how.  Friends can be so rude.  We all make mistakes, many of us unintentionally, but friends judge and accuse of it being intentional.  Then it hurts to the core.  I can’t say more than that.  But that I don’t go to my bulimia to eat and throw them up is a miracle.  Thank you God!!  Maybe time had spoken volumes to me and healed me.  And too God!!  And before I go let me leave you with these quotes:

“An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.

“A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.”

“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.”

“Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.”

“True friends stab you in the front.” (and then in the back and other places too, like the heart)

“Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”

 

Okay Friends, I Need This Vote – Please!!