Okay, that sounds really mean. But seriously sometimes I watch people and ask that question. It’s not derogatory. It is a question.
Since I have been free of bulimia, I have learned how to eat anything in proportion. I will eat chocolate. One piece subsides my curiosity or feel like having… not craving, of which I have little of for chocolate. I allowed myself chips any time I wanted to. That is something I love to this day, but by allowing myself that, I can tell you I actually have not had a chip in over 4 months. I just know I can have it so I don’t care to have it until I feel like it.
Last month I went on a “Sugar Free September Cancer Drive” and made it through with no problem. Funny thing is people asked me if I lost weight doing that. I did not lose a pound. I still ate!! I just didn’t have sugar. Now that I am allowed sugar, the first day was … wow I can have my Greek Yogurt Caramel Frozen Bar. I had it and loved it. Only sugar I missed. Anything else I don’t.
My point is, that I learn from allowing, and sometimes when I disallow for a good reason, like a cancer donation drive, it makes it fun, and I know I can go back and it changes my world. I realize at the end I really don’t need it.
Bulimia changed my world too. It made me realize that small portions of anything are okay. You don’t have to indulge in a big meal to feel satisfied. Food doesn’t have to be what fills you up in life. Or in the case the bulimia, what fills you up with your emotions that you need to eat and purge later.
I understand the overeating, because I have been there. But today I don’t undersant WHY they can eat that much. Meaning, I’m interested in the relationship with food and person. Why are they eating that much? I know the easy question is they love food. Then the next question would be “do they?” or is something missing, or WHY do they LOVE food …
Pondering the thoughts…
And I will say again… some people say that overcoming an eating disorder means you always have it. I disagree. I can’t even begin to tell you how I can’t even imagine WHY I did it for so long. WHY I did it at all? I know the answer, but I don’t know WHY I let it go on for so long… or maybe I don’t know WHY I even should have allowed myself to start? Those questions really though don’t matter to me much anymore. What does is, WHY would I eat more than what just satisfies me? Why would I want to eat to discomfort? Be it discomfort for the night, the day, or to want to purge it to feel better and waste all that wonderful food, that could have been enjoyed in smaller, kinder to your body size portions.
Kinder to your body size portions. It takes time, but you really know when you’re full when you eat slowly and within 20 minutes, your stomach tells you you’ve had enough. And is happy you enjoyed what you had to that point. Then stop.
WHY have a second serving, knowing it will make your friend, your stomach, not comfortable? And in a bulimic stage, horrified that it will have to purge that food it so enjoyed?
If we were one with our tummy, its enjoyment of the food you provide to it, in smaller amounts, that would build the proper relationship. Even smaller more frequent amounts. Just think how happy the two of you would be together. In so many ways!!
Why food? The only answer to that is to disengage the emotions related to food in your subconscious mind. To associate food with love for yourself, not externally. Not to use food as a blanket, but as a friend to you and your stomach and to not overexert one of your best friends… your tummy, who takes in the food you eat and takes care of the first part of digestion. Eat what you want but WHY eat too much? When it is so much more romantic to eat… not too little, not too much.. but just enough. (Love Goldie Locks and the Three Bears… the story is very telling… just right)
Hugs… Just a thought.