It’s been 5 years of clean and happy. Sometimes it’s hard. But not the bulimia. The way I look at myself. I know I look “good” for “my age”, but I also know I could do better. I know if I worked out a little more I could lose my tummy or some of it and maybe some of my boobs. But then look at myself and say ‘are you kidding me???’ I am turning 53 years old. I realize sometimes I am hard on myself because I remember when I was fit and young and really prettier than I realized I was now looking back on pictures. So tonight I looked at myself and said “really LaurieAnn? Really? You are seriously not happy with what you have tonight?” And why I quote this is because for the most part during any one day I don’t even think about my body. I just think about my customers and my smile to them to make them feel better on that one day. But alone and dancing like no one is looking, sometimes a mirror shoots a reflection back at me…. and it’s actually funny. I think “hey you are nice front and back but don’t stand sideways.”
I have a belly. Like SO WHAT?? perfection. It’s not about my bulimia anymore it’s about making myself someone I know I can be WITHOUT the bulimia. I don’t miss bulimia at all. But I do miss my working out and feeling refreshed being fit. But I know that will come. Now having said that, had picture taking and I felt great looking at it. Great feeling to feel that way. Probably why I said when at work I never even think of what I look like.
Oh and too I think I mentioned this before… I promised myself I didn’t want be overweight like my mother at my age and I wanted stability in eating. I have that. Now I just would like a bit more of working my muscles because there is something I do know… working out with weights has not age limit. And muscles have memory so I can wake mine up again. 🙂 Having said this though??? I still love that I can hug my mother and that she loves food and loves life. So going backwards… why do I NOT want to be like her? Because I am me. 🙂
Recovered bulimic… never going back… too happy where I am. So I will take my little tummy. 🙂