Sometimes It’s Hard, But Then Happy Happens

It’s been 5 years of clean and happy.  Sometimes it’s hard.  But not the bulimia.  The way I look at myself.  I know I look “good” for “my age”, but I also know I could do better.  I know if I worked out a little more I could lose my tummy or some of it and maybe some of my boobs.  But then look at myself and say ‘are you kidding me???’ I am turning 53 years old.  I realize sometimes I am hard on myself because I remember when I was fit and young and really prettier than I realized I was now looking back on pictures.  So tonight I looked at myself and said “really LaurieAnn?  Really? You are seriously not happy with what you have tonight?”  And why I quote this is because for the most part during any one day I don’t even think about my body.  I just think about my customers and my smile to them to make them feel better on that one day.  But alone and dancing like no one is looking, sometimes a mirror shoots a reflection back at me…. and it’s actually funny.  I think “hey you are nice front and back but don’t stand sideways.”

happyday
Awesome day

I have a belly.  Like SO WHAT?? perfection.  It’s not about my bulimia anymore it’s about making myself someone I know I can be WITHOUT the bulimia.  I don’t miss bulimia at all.  But I do miss my working out and feeling refreshed being fit.  But I know that will come.  Now having said that, had picture taking  and I felt great looking at it.  Great feeling to feel that way.  Probably why I said when at work I never even think of what I look like.

Oh and too I think I mentioned this before… I promised myself I didn’t want be overweight like my mother at my age and I wanted stability in eating.  I have that.   Now I just would like a bit more of working my muscles because there is something I do know… working out with weights has not age limit.  And muscles have memory so I can wake mine up again. 🙂 Having said this though??? I still love that I can hug my mother and that she loves food and loves life.  So going backwards… why do I NOT want to be like her?  Because I am me. 🙂

Recovered bulimic… never going back… too happy where I am.  So I will take my little tummy.  🙂

 

2 Replies to “Sometimes It’s Hard, But Then Happy Happens”

  1. It’s hard to see where we’ve come from sometimes, you’ve done fantastic, and you’re beautiful, tummy and all 🙂

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