I lived the dream so to speak of big house, not huge but big enough. Along with that came expectations of perfection, intelligence, perfect in the way you look, the way you present yourself, the way you “keep” your home. And inside of me a child was screaming. I don’t want this! this is not home. This is just a house with a fake husband and children that follow path they don’t even understand. I learned in life less is better, although I always knew that. I didn’t need more, never wanted more. More was less because it cost more. Even if you make the money and can have more really is it more? I quit my bulimia when I was free of being around the need for more. And of not being around people who expected too much of me.
Weird that I can enjoy an icecream now and not even be hungry for all of it. Less is better. I don’t and never needed much. Just knowing in my own heart and head that I can love those who love me no matter what and having just what I need. Not much. A home, not a box, love with loyalty, not demands, and knowing I can care for myself and it’s accepted, not demanded.
I have regrets, and wish sometimes I was who I am now back then, but I also believe God brought me through this process to understand, in the last years of my life, that everything I did brought me to here. To understand that no one can change your beliefs. You always go back, no matter he consequences. You do end up with the original dreams, just with some sketches changed on the architectural front, but that was only the adult speaking. Not the child that dreamed of little homes. So comes the circle of life.
Not a box house even if big anymore… but a tiny home community will do me just fine. 🙂
In ending it’s weird. As a child or growing up adult, my parents had dreams of grandeur for me. And I guess I wanted to make that happen for them. I know now they are Okay know small is good for me. As long as I am happy. 🙂 Freedom.