I can’t believe it. My best friend, ex boyfriend, is quickly becoming my biggest wart on my brain. Seriously. No really seriously. I have a rule. I buy ONLY Mr. Clean. No knock offs. I put it in a certain place. Tonight an empty bottle of a stupid knock off was at the same place. Then he shows me a bill of buying Mr. Clean. Joke.
Okay, so here is the story. My ex will never change, like my ex husband. I had a visit tonight from my son. He threw rocks while talking to me about anger management. And here I am trying to deal with stolen Mr. Clean and angry too. Anger management. Is it really about us? or is it about what is AROUND us that no one taught us how to deal with. Okay, I talk about my ex’s but so too I deal with customer service and every day I spend with frustrated people.
Hummm. How do I explain to my children why I live these lives. Personal and business with constant bantering about how many are not happy and take it out on you? I come home happy. I don’t mind hearing anymore other’s frustrations personal or business because I am guilty of having talked too much to the annoyance of others. Funny thing is having taped my own conversations with others I don’t know how they actually listen that long to my dissertations of my journey to being okay. Seriously why can’t I just SHUT UP!! I’ll tell you why. The calls I get is because they want to talk. But they don’t and I get nervous. I get nervous… Ugh… I talk too much and stupid because I don’t even know what to say. And then at the end of the conversation I go to sleep and have nightmares, and wake up feeling stupid…. all because someone called me because they needed to talk… sat in silence… and then I became “gabby”.
My dad’s nickname was “Gabby”. Wonder if it was all because of that. Not knowing how to respond, getting nervous, and then just being stupid and talking too much about nothing and everything and just trying to fill the silence. Just trying to fill the silence.
Of wanting to hear theirs, but not sure how to open that door that you open first. But talk too much. And then stop. And you ask. And you listen because until then they weren’t saying anything they care to hear and you were trying to fill the silence. And then they open up. Horrible thing is you can relate in so many ways you CAN’T explain. You listen.. you try to connect but you know you have to be a minimalist. At this point less said the better.
And then you just love them. Tell them that they are the best experience you ever had and will ever have in your life.
And you hug them over the phone or in person and hope they come back to see you again.
In this little old apartment with little but love.
And a weird neighbour that my children have known for years. Yes, I will move away, but I need time. Because my children feel it will be better for me… But right now? This is all okay.