Be careful what you wish for. And the pain associated with it tonight I am in so much pain and not understanding my behaviour. I am with my daughter and drove five hours to see her and all I did was be hurtful. Is this because subconsciously I feel guilt, anger when she left me, inadequacy and all the things I wanted to forget and now coming out like demons to hurt myself again because I’m afraid of love? Was my bulimia a part of my self sabotage of riding myself of love because I am so afraid of it because it will leave me so do what is necessary to make it go away before it leaves me? But it hurts just as much so why do I do this still knowing that? Why? Why am I so afraid of love?

But I didn’t go back to my bulimia…. Just my anxiety.

But I am still wondering where I am.

Where am I?

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