An online acquaintance said it is a shame that there is always a trade off when I shared that I have been diagnosed with severe anxiety since I recovered from my bulimia. That is so true. Then the other trade off is drugs. I don’t want to do that. Was on some medication for a while but didn’t want to stay on them. I want a new alternative. Not a trade off. But sometimes I feel locked up. I work a lot of hours and just want to reward myself with rest. I get anxious when on my day off I know I have to shop for food, do laundry, clean up. More work. I get anxious knowing it would be good for me to complete small projects or working out.
I can’t even find it in myself to meditate. I’ve been told that works. But it’s one thing committing to work, it’s another committing to anything outside of work. Some would call it lazy. But it’s not. It’s fear of committing and losing what little freedom I have left.
Does this make any sense? I am not afraid of dying. I am in fact more afraid of living! Of life.