Big Or Small I’m Sure Many Have Felt Like This!


Sometimes I felt that if I just got small enough when I was bulimic that I would disappear, yet it was also rooted in the need for attention. I just wanted to be loved. I remember when I had my son and gained twenty pounds, I told my husband I was going to lose the weight. He said don’t do that because then you will be perfect again. So I did. He didn’t understand my need for perfection and those words were so wrong. But with the stress of caring for my first child with no family around I did indeed lose it with bulimia mixed with major working out. Looking back I feel sorry for that young lady who’s husband could have simply said, whatever you want, but I love you the way you are now.

In hindsight it is clear it’s what he liked. He left me for someone 10 years younger and tiny. So did my next long time boyfriend. But today that no longer upsets me because I know they were not right for me. I do keep fit but for me! And my now extra 15 lbs. will not get the better of me. And I will find someone who doesn’t need perfection – but will understand the love I could provide in a loving and accepting relationship. Perfection is unattainable. Loving the other for their perfections in your mind and even more so for their imperfections that make them who they are is the best. I know I will find that someday. I won’t settle for less. πŸ™‚

0 thoughts on “Big Or Small I’m Sure Many Have Felt Like This!

  1. Hey there! A lot of my preoccupation with weight was about trying to be perfect too. I’ve been healthy for 15 years now and looking back on the experience the biggest thing I learned was to throw myself into my interests rather than throwing myself into trying to be perfect! That way you are actually building something exciting and meeting people with the same interests. Now I see imperfect as real and that a lot of the things that are imperfect about us are also what make us who we are. Kind of like our greatest strengths are our greatest weaknesses – and we need both! It’s the yin and yang of life! You sound really happy now and you will find the love you want – especially if you pick up on some of the things you love to do and see where they take you – and who they take you to! πŸ˜‰ Kelly

  2. Thanks for sharing your story! I found 10 simple things that have helped me lose and maintain my weight and throw myself into my interests. I’m sharing these at It’s set up like a tutorial and there is just one short lesson a week!

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