This is soooo funny. I saw this on a show today and checked out the website. It was a segment on websites for couples. So I decided to randomly pick things and see what the letter would say. Rather nasty but soooo funny! I guess it’s true about comedians being funny because they implement some truths into their jokes. Anyone who has had a bad relationship should try this out just for therapy! 🙂
This is was what came back and I didn’t write any of it. It was generated by the site by the categories picked. Rather brilliant.
I’m writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. I can’t believe how selfish you are. Relationships are supposed to be about sharing, jerk. I know you’ll probably tell everyone that you dumped me, because you’re a liar. But everyone knows that already, so they won’t believe you. You couldn’t even pass your exams without cheating; I should have known you’d cheat on me too, prick. You know, a little respect can go a long way. But the amount of respect you give me is only enough for ME to go a long way. A long way away from you, douchebag. Maybe part of the problem is that you drink so much. You can’t actually call gin-flakes or beerios breakfast. Frankly, you just don’t care enough about me. Luckily I care enough about me to make up for it, by saying goodbye to you. Here’s some food for thought: you’re a dick! I also really need more space, I don’t like feeling like an elephant in a telephone booth. I hope you understand.
You’re like cling wrap around me, but what you need to realize is that I am not a vegetable and your clinginess is unbearable. And as if that wasn’t enough, you have to criticize me all the time! Now it’s my turn to be the critic. I give you one thumb up: stick it up your ass! All that nagging of yours worked, assuming your intent was to get rid of me. You don’t live in a soap opera, so quit causing so much drama. I’m not a puppet, you can’t just control me by pulling on a string, so why do you try to control everything I do? I need my freedom, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
You may not have realized, but I saw you with her, you greasy-heeled anus-sniffer! It may be a typical line, but it’s true: we just aren’t meant for each other. I may love you, but I’m definitely not in love with you. You’re gonna have to learn to accept that. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over.
Even though our relationship is at its end, I hope we can still be friends.
I hope maggots devour your testicles,
(I kind of added in that Oh and? 🙂 )
I’m still laughing reading this over again. You should try the other one too – QuitMyJobEmail.com. Seriously? I have never had to even think of this type of letter, but I tried it for fun thinking of what my employees would have written about me when I owned a business with employees and laughed too! 🙂