I was asked tonight by some rude person why I think I was single. He said that the way I think is obvious why. Male attitude is sometimes weird. And women’s attitudes too. In the past guys who had affairs on me had their girlfriends ask “why her?”. Why me? I couldn’t answer that if I were them either. Usually their new women were much more beautiful externally. But is life about loving external or internal beauty? Personally I don’t care about men at this point in my life.. Not in the way of relationships that mean love and marriage. I like them as friends. Relationships are way too complicated. I like my simple life of me and my animals and silence. And if I feel like reaching out I just write like now. So to this rude dude I told him about a time when a man who had worked for me and I let got because he was not working… because he was in pain because his wife had an affair… invited me to go fishing. I went. I felt bad for many reasons. He said to me that by the end of the night he would have me in bed with him. I got up and left. I understood his anger and I didn’t hold it against him. His anger… then wanting to take it out on another woman … I’m not stupid. I learned at 24 after 3 bosses making sexual advances at me that men are not so complicated to figure out. Two heads… one though leads to make the other one happy and work on making money to then again make the other one look worthy.
I don’t know why when a woman decides it’s best for her to stop throwing up all the stupid men in their lives and gets strong enough to say I want to be with me, and really with me, and really not looking anywhere else it seems weird to them? Why is loving to be alone so bad? Even my best friend who is my “Y” (why did I date him?) doesn’t understand it. He is still my best friend, but doesn’t understand how I can say no to being with someone. He doesn’t even believe me. That is why he is my “Y”. Never believed that I could say no because I simply don’t want to just be with someone.
There is my final remark. I simply don’t want to JUST be with someone.
Credentials for being with me? Accept me as I am, don’t control me, live next door, let me live the life I want without conditions, love me unconditionally, accept the life I have chosen for myself…. and I will reciprocate and with loyalty.
My “Y” like my “X” (the one I divorced) sleep with a dirty conscience – both still sleeping around. I sleep with a clean one.
Now you know why I’m single.
So much more to this, but I’ll end this here for now. 🙂