This is different than most of my posts, and can be a bit graphic, so if you don’t like reality, please don’t read this!! But I need to vent tonight on this. My New Years Resolution. Stronger – mightier – and taking care of ME!!
I told myself I wouldn’t have a New Years Resolution, but I lied. I do have one. That is to respect myself, my morals, my beliefs, myself. Yes, myself twice over. I lived a life of letting myself (yes again) accept less than what I am worth. For too long I hung around men who had inflated values of their own life, inflated egos and degraded me and all those around them, men who put themselves before others, made themselves martyrs (and those who didn’t know them believed them), and if they didn’t get what they wanted, became abusive, either mentally or physically. Again, not just with me, but with all those around them.
Someone asked me how I managed to attract these controlling men. Good question. And here is my good answer:
I was bulimic for many years, then I went through a divorce, then lost all my material possessions, and was on a spiral for most of my life. This made me through much of my time on earth – a target. I was weak. I was vulnerable. I was, behind the facade of being strong, afraid. Afraid of taking a stand, of fighting the “bully”.
I lived through two loves that ended up having affairs with married women on a long term while they lied and were with me. When I found out I didn’t approve, but I wanted to try to make things right because I loved them. (me =sucker)
NO MORE. If a married person wants to have an affair it affects everyone. Spouse, children, on both sides. And it destroys the morals of the one that tries to make it work that doesn’t believe in the crap about humans not being able to be monogamous, which most men like to use as an excuse. Personally, I like the females (two in my world of affairs) that stated they can’t leave their spouse because they are Christian. Hummm. Is that a dichotomy?
My life is wonderful being on my own, and I wish some day I can find someone with the same values and morals as I hold for myself (yes again). Until then I have made my point. My strength in the last couple of years is knowing that I won’t settle for less. Better alone and loving myself (yes again) for standing up to my beliefs and values and morals than to love someone who obviously doesn’t love himself enough to know how to be alone and or with only one person only or to dignify the value of marriage.
Those people who think they can validate their stupidity with excuses are just an excuse for being alone someday. Lies are evil. Self-denial destructive. By the way, to the men? Keep your Vagina Lollipop away from those who don’t care to suck on it. As a child I was taught not to share a lollipop.
To anyone who thinks running away from reality by having a married person or even just an affair on the side (wow, secretive, it’s so exciting! kind of mentality), and wanting to stay with the one you are suppose to be with is the dream of a perfect life? Think again.
- “Oh what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practise to deceive!
- Sir Walter Scott, Marmion, Canto vi. Stanza 17.
Scottish author & novelist (1771 – 1832)”
- p.s. Vagina Lollipop is my word. And as the poem goes, “yes I wrote…” and mine is the Vagina Lollipop, I Wish I never wrote it, but I can tell you anyhow, I’ll kill you if you quote it. 🙂 Anyone who knows the Purple Cow poems will know this. And your sweetheart? Yes, nice body, but not nice morals!! Her poor husband! If he only knew his lollipop was not the only one she sucked on.