FB post tonight as I thought : “Sometimes when you give and others think it’s all about you if you are true in spirit and in kindness and in heart, it is about you… but in giving to others you love. Some people say it’s for your benefit and that is so not true. It’s for theirs. That that is lost in the translation is sad. I live for God, for the teaching of Jesus, and I believe… I believe that this is what is good. I am not a bible thumper… this IS my faith. I have no religion…. just belief, and thus far it has served me well. I have great children, great but few friends, and albeit a humble life, a happy one.”
I meant every word. God keeps me seeing the beauty of life even in the ugliness sometimes… because behind that ugly are hurting people…. their soul doesn’t know the power of appreciation. That to me is sad. And they make those like me who love, care, are devoted look like it’s a bad thing. But it’s so not. I love me. I love being with me.. I love my music, my animals, my parents. I can love. Sometimes it’s hard to love those who are angry at this world, but somehow I do. I am rare. I am one of the few who can love no matter what, listen, teach, learn, care, hug when I know it’s needed, ask for a hug when I know I need it.
A young lady tonight and many others is one I know she has it in her to understand, but her pride, her self-centeredness, gets in the way. I have found out though that her pains in life have made this pride happen, and I break through. Not always right away, but I do. I love her so much it’s scares her. She, like me, doesn’t feel worthy of love. I know, because she tells me “you don’t really love me”. I have to tell her “you really don’t know me then, because I really do, but you have to stop. Stop hating, judging, thinking that by me buying you something means I love you”. I seriously DO live in a humble home. But … I have animals who love me, friends who love me, parents who love me and worry all the time. I watched an episode of Last Man Standing (love that show) and Tim Allens character (I love Tim Allen too, great and funny actor) say… something like this “I lived with my parents and my dad would always come in in the morning to make sure I made my bed. I was 23″… to this his daughter of 20 asked “and dad what is the point?”… to which he answered “I was 23 and still his child. When you have children, they will always be your children”… or something to that effect… but so true… and this young lady whom I used to date her father and have been around on and off for the past 7 years and so too her father,… they are an extended family….
But she doesn’t understand… partially… but not to the full extent.
But one of her sleep over nights she asked me to cuddle and hold her and she held me. To me that was soooo special. Because I so miss my daughter, but she has become a part of my family that it felt so nice being a mom again. So to this I share this song to her that I did with my daughter every morning she woke up by my side when I divorce and she chose to live with me. B is like her. Held me in her arms like my daughter when I cried. Soooo B… I love you so much. You have rekindled what I thought was a fire put out.
I like this post because the song is by Brad Paisley, but this kid did a great job… but listen to the words… mine was for my sweet heart felt “children”…. wish there was a video about how I felt looking into their beautiful loving eyes knowing their “mom” was there next to them and it was sooooo and is soooo breathtaking.
Thank you B.