It was like that… it was silence that wasn’t heaven like it is for today.  It was a deadly silence… one that made me at times go find comfort in my food.  It was like I wasn’t allowed to be loved, or too difficult to love…. basically unlovable.  When the one you love the most in life rejects you it’s painful.  But at times I wonder if it was these thoughts that made me sabotage the best thing that ever happened to me.  The love of my life, the loves of my life (my three children)… maybe for some reason I felt I didn’t deserve all this beauty so I was compelled to destroy it?  Or was it him who was compelled to be with a younger woman because he was afraid of death?  So many questions… so many unanswered… and yet it’s said:

 

or…..

 

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