Dear Anderson Cooper… to your divorce and man-amony… I let go of my woman-amony just to find out??

After being divorced for almost ten years, I lost my business, after 60 resumes and who knows how many interviews, and selling everything I had left of value because my government wouldn’t help me because my rich ex husband put our children into private school, and it’s seen as “in kind support” I was left with one option only.  Go on the system to get on it long enough to go back to court for support from him.  ME a woman who let him off the hook for woman-amony can’t get off it because as far as our family law I am still “common law” attached to him because we had children together that HE chose to send to private school, which I appreciate, but it doesn’t put food on my table during my time of need, does it?  This man is not one you want to contend with, so my only right is to go through emotional turmoil again.  My four years going through the first divorce/settlement was hell enough on me and I still haven’t healed, I am on medication for severe anxiety.  I never healed, and my system is saying I have to go through this again???  There is more to this story, because this divorce involved family members and really hurt my children, however financially he was able to provide for them and I was thankful, but even if I chose for him not to have to financially support me, again I will say, our government won’t let me try to help myself without having to go up against this dragon again.  How fair is that???

Suicide

I hate this.  I hate the thought albeit I have thought it.  But my worse nightmare came along when I had two friends who ended it.  He didn’t right away although they had it all rehearsed from a book they bought at Coles on how to commit suicide.  Ya.  NO JOKE!!  I wouldn’t have know this if it wasn’t for the fact that HE survived all the while holding his dying wife.  I watched the Arsenic and Old Lace and thought the taste of almonds sounded better than what these two did.  But what do I know.  Even watching Jody Foster… interesting first movie she did… so brilliant, like the other night in the other movie when she was 30 years older, but so still brilliant.  From “Little girl who…” to “contact...”  If there was anyone I would love to be if I could choose it would be Jody Foster.  Weird yet now at 49 I remember always wanting to be her.

To my B and A friends, you know what I mean.  Jody NEVER advocated thinness… she was always true to herself.  Throughout her life.  Her personality in movies reflected her true self.  I wish I had her gumshin … her will… her strength.  I wish I could meet her.  She is my hero.

Beautifuk… is this a word?

NO JOKE this pic came up in google when I misspelled beautiful when I was text messaging a friend and it came up beautifuk.  Hummmm. so I googled.  Wow… is this not weird?  A bulimic’s dream (you can be taking laxatives and throw up at the same time – a harsh reality in the bulimic world).  Behold, the Beautifuk -l bathroom.  To you compliments of Trip Advisor.  Obviously tripped on their words.

Words… only words. Marriage and Divorce

Beautiful words you will never hear at a divorce: “My dear of 15 years, I loved you so much and had beautiful extensions of that love through our children. I am so sorry for us having grown apart, you were my best friend and somehow I stopped talking to you. You were a wonderful parent, this I cannot take away from you. Only my love for YOU do I take away as I walk away. But I will never forget how much you loved me, and I AM sorry for your still loving me, but I want you to know I will always care for our children, as I move forward in life. Thank you. Good bye”.

 

Ugly words you will usually hear in a divorce: “You bitch. Why did I love you? Actually I thought I did. Thanks for being the birth vessel to MY three children now extensions of my name. I am so happy for us having grown apart, you were never my best friend and I liked never talking to you. You were a horrible parent, this I cannot take away from you. Only my love for MY children and them do I take away from you as I walk away. But I will never forget how much you loved me, and I AM NOT sorry for your still loving me, because I always loved to see you suffer. Thank you for letting me watch you on life’s path of misery to you and prosperity to me. Good bye”.

 

With the latter comes depression, anxiety, the will to die, (however not suicidal, but God doesn’t answer those requests to go hang with him through your painful life).  Maybe God is right.  Live your hell on earth.  When you are done I will take you here.  And maybe He takes those He feels should not live this life on earth (hell) and takes them sooner so they can look upon us.  Ross, my dear nephew up sitting next to Jesus, do I have this right?  I miss you so much Ross.  I miss you sooooo much.

Here I Go Again

How do people on Welfare and ODSP get away without paying rent, which leads me to being kicked out because the landlord without his money can’t pay the bills??? ME the one who has sold all she has to pay my rent because my government won’t take care of me!! Now those who the government is helping won’t take care of me either, so to speak!! Here I go again!! Another move. Ugh. Where to this time Laurie??