I’m In Pain For All Of You Out There Not Knowing How To….

…how to what?  Now there is a question.  How do you save yourself and others  from this disease?  How did I?  I did because someone cared enough for me.  Cared enough to tell me the truth.  And I keep having people tell me the truth.  The truth is my body type doesn’t reflect upon me.  How my children, my dogs, cats, my parents, my sisters see the little girl inside of me come out is what matters. “It’s belief that gets us there” just played on the television in a movie called “Dragonfly”.  How appropriate.  I love when an appropriate saying comes up just when you are not sure what you are going to write about.  I am feeling so much pain for those of you out there fighting the love of comfort of food that obviously has taken over a loss of love.  Food is love.  When you realize food is not the reason for your weight, but a place you go for comfort, then you learn to respect food for that.  I learned to respect food.  It wasn’t just honesty from my sister telling me “I know what you are doing!” .  Those words just hit a cord that made me realize when I lived with her she made food like my mom did.  Comfort.  But when angry, or sad, or stressed, I reached out for that “comfort” which translated into food.  But when I realized that, I also then remembered that my mom was poor, and food was a blessing, not something to be abused.  I also thought of how blessed I was having food around me.  But it doesn’t stop there.

I moved from my sister’s place and didn’t have a penny.  Not for food or for transportation.  It was then I really learned how to respect food.  I made my own bread, ate a bit at a time all day of what I had left in my fridge.  I had to sell most all I had of value to pay rent and buy food.  I wasn’t eligible for any support because my ex was too well-to-do and that meant that there was “support” in that he decided to send them to private school.  Oh ya “in kind support”.  In kind what?  So, I live day by day loving that my family and God provide for me food.  I eat bits at a time six times a day.  It fills me up with joy that I can eat.  That I have food.  And then it reminds me of when my parents fed the needy.  Of when my parents cared for them and even if they had a different faith, invited them in on Christmas and gave.

Many have said I am too generous because I give to others before myself.  I learned that from my parents here on earth.  Gotta say, they did a great job in reflecting Heaven on earth where it can be so tough to live sometimes.  God did good by me.  Having said that I have some leftovers that I know how to make into a feast.  And I will share that baking time with my neighbors just because.  I mean it.  JUST BECAUSE.  And I so love being who my parents were.  No matter how mean people are to you, you forgive.  And no matter what people say about you being too kind, you keep giving.  But to do that at your best, you have to love yourself.

Hugs to all you out there.  And remember the saying to you new to this horrifying nightmare that now is just my past with dreams again of love, faith and hope and I really do believe there is full blown recovery of anything if you BELIEVE.  Please, if you need help, contact me at bullimiaddict@gmail.com.  I want to help you NOT go through 30 years like I did of this.  Maybe I can not only save your life but save some years of your life too.  DON’T ever think you are not loved.  Biggest mistake.

0 Replies to “I’m In Pain For All Of You Out There Not Knowing How To….”

  1. I realised that my coping strategies are a way of self-protecting, and my self-protecting is a powerful sign of my self-love. I cared for myself. And then I started examining better coping strategies.

    1. I still have times I find it hard to cope, but have no desire to eat as one of the coping mechanisms. I go for a walk now, or blog. Even to that my anxieties can take over and I become reclusive when that happens. Avoidant Personality Disorder. I force myself out though. Like last night I made dinner for the neighbours. Fed others. It was really fun.

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