Well, here I am sitting alone on the eve of 2012. Me and my 7 pets and the television. And a glass of wine and cigarettes. (yes I smoke, and shouldn’t but I know that.) My wine is a treat. I don’t drink often anymore. Weekends only when I do. I was drinking too much during the loss of my business and all my material possessions. It actually started at the loss of my ex-husband, but increased as stress increased. I was trying to prove to everyone how I could build my own life, that I didn’t need anyone. I guess I did a good job. This is the first New Year’s Eve I am completely without a human around. I realized I have no friends. I have an ex-boyfriend who still visits, but I have no one else, other than my family. On nights like this each family member spends it with their own friends. So strangely enough next to the computer is where I reside, watching movies, with the last one taking me into 2012 being “When Harry Met Sally”. Love that movie.
I was thinking today (probably why some smelt burning) about all this. During my marriage I really started being around all “his” friends. Not only that, but when we divorced the ones I did have hung out with him because they didn’t want to be with a depressed woman. Then there were the idiot boyfriends I went out with that further isolated me from my friends. So here I am. No husband, no family, no boyfriend, no friends. For the most part I don’t mind it. I mean, I am going through a reclusive time in my life (have been for the past 7 years on and off, since my separation), and it’s at it’s peak for sure. I’m thinking about getting out again, but I wonder if you could ever build a friendship at this stage in life as bonded as the ones you once had. Hummm, on the other hand, bonded? I guess that is not quite so either seeing as I never hear from anyone even if I try to reach out to them. So after a while I decided to stop thinking and just watch RV. I want to laugh. I want to enjoy this quiet evening and be amazed that I made it to 2012 when midnight strikes. Next let’s see if I manage to make it to 126.96.36.199. 🙂