Well, here I am sitting alone on the eve of 2012.  Me and my 7 pets and the television.  And a glass of wine and cigarettes.  (yes I smoke, and shouldn’t but I know that.)  My wine is a treat.  I don’t drink often anymore.  Weekends only when I do.  I was drinking too much during the loss of my business and all my material possessions.  It actually started at the loss of my ex-husband, but increased as stress increased.  I was trying to prove to everyone how I could build my own life, that I didn’t need anyone.  I guess I did a good job.  This is the first New Year’s Eve I am completely without a human around.  I realized I have no friends.  I have an ex-boyfriend who still visits, but I have no one else, other than my family.  On nights like this each family member spends it with their own friends.  So strangely enough next to the computer is where I reside, watching movies, with the last one taking me into 2012 being “When Harry Met Sally”.  Love that movie.

I was thinking today (probably why some smelt burning) about all this.  During my marriage I really started being around all “his” friends.  Not only that, but when we divorced the ones I did have hung out with him because they didn’t want to be with a depressed woman.  Then there were the idiot boyfriends I went out with that further isolated me from my friends.  So here I am.  No husband, no family, no boyfriend, no friends.  For the most part I don’t mind it.  I mean, I am going through a reclusive time in my life (have been for the past 7 years on and off, since my separation), and it’s at it’s peak for sure.  I’m thinking about getting out again, but I wonder if you could ever build a friendship at this stage in life as bonded as the ones you once had.  Hummm, on the other hand, bonded?  I guess that is not quite so either seeing as I never hear from anyone even if I try to reach out to them.  So after a while I decided to stop thinking and just watch RV.  I want to laugh.  I want to enjoy this quiet evening and be amazed that I made it to 2012 when midnight strikes.  Next let’s see if I manage to make it to 12.12.12.12. 🙂

0 thoughts on “Happy New Year’s Eve?

  1. i’m sitting here with gwendolyn (my dog) and a friend (sir edmund). although i adore his friendship, i wish he weren’t here so that i could drink more and eat my sushi in peace! (sushi at midnight, and chances are that i’ll still throw him out before i eat!!!). happy new year to you and your seven animals. 🙂 xxx

    1. Been there done that. Tonight was nice. I didn’t turn to food for not wanting someone there. In fact, I wanted someone there and I had a FB friend for my count down. The person was supposed to be there with me didn’t show up. So I took videos and pics of my night with my animals, and counted down, as I mentioned earlier, New Year’s Eve virtually with believe it or not “his” daughter. I’ve known her since she was 7…. now 14 and rebellious. I told her I admired her external rebellion. I know she didn’t understand that. I was meaning that I internalized things with my ED. She doesn’t have an ED because she speaks her mind. YET… she hangs onto me when she goes shopping for clothes and continually needs my opinion. A different kind of disorder. I’m not sure yet what that one is. But her father’s is the “Othello Syndrome”, which I will post about. Beautiful person with a jealousy disorder that combined with a person with ED can be very discouraging.

      1. p.s. Sushhi is my fav!! Healthy, lovely and light. Not like life – for the most part – and presented by very respectful people, at least every one that I know of when I get sushi. 🙂

      2. discouraging, indeed! especially to a person with bulimic tendencies. if i were you, i’d look at the positive. the girl wants your fashion counsel. so clearly she thinks your fabulous. 🙂

        oh, and my night ended up being wonderful actually (after several glasses of wine and champagne). i posted on my facebook page: “ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! celebrating with gwendolyn, dick clark, and sir edmund!!!!!!!!! the best new year’s of my life!!!!!!!!! happy new year’s, friends!!!!!!!!! 2012!!! ♥ xxxxxxxxx.”

        yep, i’m pretty ridiculous sometimes. but aren’t we all? 😉 happy new year! xxx

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