My daughter chose this song for us to sing when we took singing lessons together when she was 10 and we had just begun a new journey. Her and me against a world I didn’t even know how to face. Not a good combination. I thought she picked it because when I listened to the words, it was interesting in that one line “so I can finally see where you go when you’re gone”. I was gone. All of a sudden the blinders were taken off of me and that feeling of being overwhelmed by what I was finally “seeing” was devastating. I made wrong decisions because I couldn’t figure out what good ones were. I wasn’t the mother I should have been. I’m not sure even what a mother is. I still don’t even after 22 years of being one. I just figure I am someone who messed up my children, who will be remembered that way, who messed herself up because nothing ever made sense to her. Where did I go when I was “gone”? I had no where to go. Sometimes to the bathroom, sometimes to the bottle. The pain and ache in my heart, the emotions were and still can be, overbearing. I still haven’t forgiven myself, even if my daughter tells me to. It’s not that simple.