He won…

I had three children.  Okay, I guess I have three beautiful children, but i don’t know them much anymore.  I know their youth.  I don’t know their coming into adulthood.  The other night I wished myself away, and then the next morning I wondered why.  It was because I don’t see my treasures anymore, and then that creates a messed up mom whom they don’t want to see anymore because I text them wanting to see them, but I realized they really don’t want to see me.  But no matter what someday they will realize that all the pain of the divorce… the worst pain… was the breaking of the family.  I will never forgive myself for something I guess I did that made him love someone else and then take my kids away and not care.  I will always love him because I always did and had my children loving him.  Unconditional love is rare.  I’m rare.

OMG  maybe I am my mother.  That was dad’s song to her… see next post.

Thanks Dad

I didn’t think I had it in me to talk to you last night
About the pains I felt so long in places in my life
But I did and you heard
You listened to the words
You answered in your wisdom and didn’t shut me out
A quiet hour with you without one single shout
I love you daddy and as I said
You stood before the jury
A way better place to be….

I forgive you and myself for the things we did not right
But those who do not stand up to theirs will wither in the night….

It’s not a wish I have upon the ones who steal your heart
And happily smile at them as they break themselves apart
It’s just what I know it will happen…… someday somewhere
And truth be known when it does I do not want to be there….