I can’t believe it took me this long to come back here to write. Considering my thoughts lately. But it’s all okay. I learned something recently. I learned that I can equate all that has gone on in my bull-imic world to other people on this earth. My feelings were the same as theirs, but I dealt with them differently. I ate and threw up my emotions, like I said before. But what is interesting is when your friends start to go on and on, and they hurt you, you can stop them. I just tell them I’m going to eat and throw up their problems. Then they look at me in disbelief. I really feel that I can take them on for them. That’s what I tell them. Having said that, I quit my bull-imia. Bulimia. I would do that for them though for those I love the most because it’s like taking a bullet. You see, my closest people love me too much to let me do that and then it makes them think. Is my problem so bad that I would let a friend “take a bullet for it?”. When they stop long enough for having heard my words that I would do that for them? They relax. It’s great therapy.
I found a lump under my breast on Saturday. You see the date. That would be four days ago. I don’t mind it much. Worst part was having to set up a doctor’s appointment. Thinking… WOW. I have to tell him. My old doctor can’t take me in so I’m going to a new one. Ya… Hi doctor. I was on and off a bull-imic for 30 years, and an alcoholic for about 10. My liver is gone likely even if I’m not as bad with drinking my wine, my organs are probably shot…. and so how am I still alive? By the grace of God I would imagine. But now… today… I can tell my doctor that without worries. And I can tell my friends that I would take that bull-imic (bulimic) bullet for them. Makes them think. Makes me think – glad I know I would if I had to … but it would take alot! They stop and relax… I don’t have to. It’s a gift. I’ll keep it.